I Didn't Know the Gov't Had a Sense of Humor

My parents left on vacation today. They are going to some lake, somewhere for a few days. I really do talk to my parents a lot but they are much harder to keep track of now days. They told me where they were going but I can't seem to remember. They probably gave out wrong information just to have a few days without the kids calling. They always told us that they stayed married because the first one to leave would have to take the kids. They of course are kidding. Their lives would be meaningless without us kids. Or at least the "golden child" which is the name for my brother Steve. Before they left my mom sent me this e-mail. I thought it was funny and once again inspired by a conversation with Susan. She is great for supplying blog material. Thanks Susan and thanks mom for cheering me up with this e-mail. Have fun on vacation or should I say hope you had fun on vacation since you won't see this until you get back!

For everyone who has ever had or given an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
13. "He's been working with glue too much."
14. "He would argue with a signpost."
15. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
16. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
17. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
18. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
19. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
20. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
21. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
22. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
23. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
24. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
25. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
26. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
27. "One neuron short of a synapse."
28. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
29. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
30. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead