I'm Not Nor Will I Ever Be A King Crab Fisherman

I’m addicted to “The Deadliest Catch” on the Discovery Channel. I can’t help it, it fascinates me. My favorite ship is the Northwestern captained by Sig. I’m also kind of partial to his deck boss Edgar. That boy cleans up nicely! I think Sig always has the best strategies for making the most money and keeping his crew happy. I've even gone on the website and tired my hand at crab fishing. I stunk. My crew fought and I had one guy that got injured everytime he stepped on deck.

My brother-in-law was making fun of me last night because I was telling him about all the boats and who I liked and who I disliked etc….He told me I should move up to Dutch Harbor, Alaska and work my magic. Not sure what he means by work my magic, but I assuming he meant surly in Alaska where the women are scarce you can find a man. Now while I like the ratio of men to women in Alaska, I don’t think I’m cut out for the life of a crab fisherman or even the girlfriend, wife or daughter of a crab fisherman. Here is why.

1. Its scary: I prefer sitting in my nice dry warm living room watching a show about crab fishing and I would prefer that my significant other be sitting right there beside me instead of performing one of the deadliest jobs in the world.

2. Sea sickness: I am sure at one time or another I would feel obligated to go out to sea just to show my support or to understand what exactly it is that my man does. I would die. You are talking to the girl who got sea sick on a luxury cruise liner in the warm, calm waters off the Greek Isles. The cold, violent, Bering Sea is no place for me.

3. Habits: Just watching these guys smoke 20 packs a day makes me wonder which would be worse the cigarette smell or the fish smell when they came home.

4. Smell: Since I brought it up in #3 I felt the need to elaborate. Now while I admire the job that these men/women do up there in Alaska, I seriously don’t think I could stand the smell. It’s not just the smell of fish, but have you ever seen what they have to do to bait their crab pots? It is Nasty with a capital N. They basically take frozen fish and run it through a grinder and depending on the season they even use fresh fish. I don’t care how many layers of rubber gloves you wear; there is no getting that smell out.

5. The Pressure: If for some odd reason I did end up in Dutch Harbor working on a crab boat I would be kicked off after one season and maybe before that. The experienced fishermen are relentless on the “Greenhorns.” If you don’t watch the show, Greenhorns are fishermen who have never been on a crab boat before. On one boat the captain’s two sons are on board. Once is a deckhand and one is a Greenhorn. I’ve seen the way he treats his own sons so I know this would not be the life for me. They would eat me alive or throw me overboard.

6. The Danger: These guys are always getting hurt. In my opinion anytime there are hooks, cranes, buoys, ice, snow, rain, seagulls, whales, sea lions, crab pots, crab tanks, waves, survival suites, grinders, wenches, lifts, lots and lots of water it’s not a safe environment.

Finally, need I remind everyone reading this of a little movie based on a true story called “The Perfect Storm”? It might not be based on the same type of fishing but let me tell you, the principals are the same. Enough said.